“I’m eternally grateful to her, but I feel bitter and depressed.” By Noluthando Mdayi
28-year-old *Cindy Zwane says she and her mother whom she affectionately calls ‘Mamzo’ have always been close because she had always been there for her.
“She spent the better half of my childhood navigating the model-C school system we could barely afford, attending parents meetings, and going to sporting events all by herself,” says Cindy.
“She worked tirelessly to get me through my three-year corporate communication degree. And since she and I were always very tight, it only made the events that unfolded, later on, all the more painful to endure,” the 28-year-old adds.
“Luckily, I got offered a great entry level position at a reputable company. It came with an unbelievably good salary.
“After a lifetime spent nickel-and-diming my way through life, I was finally going to have some breathing room, but my excitement was short-lived,” she explains.
Cindy says she had always dreamed of building a house for her mother, and when she was offered a permanent position at work, that was the first thing on her agenda.
“Mamzo was overjoyed when the construction began. However, months following that – all she ever wanted from me was money.’
The 28-year-old says arguments over money soon started, and only got worse when she introduced her boyfriend to her mother.
“She told me I could not think about getting married – not until I have paid everything that is due to her.
“I feel like she is making me pay for raising me. I’m eternally grateful to her, but I feel bitter and depressed,” she admits.
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“She may need to show her a detailed breakdown of her earnings and expenses and any disposable income she may have left over and the impact of the financial expectations being placed on her,” Paula advises.
“Her mother may well have provided for her education and upbringing but that does not mean she is entitled to her money,” she highlights.
The relationship expert continues to explain that Cindy needs to finally draw the line. “As hard as it may be, she is going to have to put some firm boundaries down as to what she can and can’t afford.”
Paula acknowledges that addressing this situation directly may go against her cultural traditions and suggests she explores getting input from a trusted family member who will act as a mediator.
*Names have been changed.